Lonely star

You know, if there's one song from Hamasaki Ayumi that I can never get tired of listening to for the longest time, it's Memorial address. It's not your typical ballad nor pop song coming from who they dub "Empress of JPOP". (Honestly, I don't really like that title on her.) But I tell you, this is one of the more emotional songs she has ever written. Yes, hello, she writes her own lyrics. Ever since the beginning of her career, until now, 10 years later.

They say don't judge a book by its cover. It totally applies here. Don't think that just because Ayu dyes her hair blonde, wears expensive brands (D&G, Christian Loboutin, LV) and acts all ditzy, doesn't mean she's superficial and shallow. Her father left when she was two. She was raised by her grandmother and her mother allowed her to lead a rather carefree lifestyle. She dropped out of high school, went into a short-lived modeling and acting career, before being discovered by her current manager. So basically, she had exposure to "life" as an adult knows it at a very young age.

Anyway, I am generalising too much here. XD I was supposed to only talk about Memorial address. After asking around, I found out that Memorial address is basically addressing a tragic event, or something. I'm trying to simplify here. lol. And that definition is really appropriate here as it has been rumored that the song is dedicated to her deceased father. (Even whether her dad is dead or alive is still a rumour).

The above picture is a simple thing I made from screencaps of the live performance that made me fall in love with her and the song. She was so emotional performing that song that she even missed a line in the beginning! First time I watched it, I got goosebumps.

The lyrics were about her being in denial of someone's death.

You have gone to the place where we can never meet again
I can't accept the coldness of the eternal parting

Despite being in denial, she can't help but feel the sorrow and pain. And as time passed, she began to accept it, the sadness begins to show in other forms as well.

The sorrow I had thought to be endless came to an end
The season has changed, I feel bitterly cold
I will never forget that first day of summer
The sky kept on weeping instead of me this year

By the end of the song, she calms down again, and turns out that she was still in denial.

Please tell me this is only the story of the continuing dream
And that I'm not yet awake

Those are basically my favourite lyrics of the song. I also love how the melody starts out soft, only with piano as the background. By the second verse, the guitars came in suddenly. Maybe representing her outburst? And then, at the last two lines, the one that I posted above, the piano starts again, going back into the soft melody. I don't know, man. Just ignore me. I suck at intrepretations.

Here's the song. I do hope you'll listen to it. (Come on, it's good thing I'm not putting it on auto-play.)

(By the way, they labeled the wrong album here. It's supposed to be Memorial address, not MY STORY. And I don't know who that girl in the picture is :X)

And the performance that made me fell in love with it?

Memorial address
Hamasaki Ayumi

munasawagi to tomo ni nemuri ni tsuita yofuke
totemo kanashii yume o miteita no o oboeteru
sono asa yokan wa chinmoku o yaburu youni
naridashita denwa de genjitsu no mono to natta
kokoro ni kienai kizuato o nokoshita mama
anata wa hitori hoshi ni natta

sayonara ne mou nido to aenai basho e itta none
eien no wakare no tsumetasa o uketomerarezu ni
kikasete hoshikatta uso de kamawanai kara
atashi wa anata ni tashika ni aisareteita tte
tatta ichido de ii kara

owarinaki hazu no kanashimi wa maku o tojite
kisetsu mo kawatte samusa ga yake ni mi ni shimiru kedo
are wa wasure mo shinai natsu no hajimari no hi de
atashi no kawari ni kotoshi wa sora ga nakitsuzuketa
datte amari ni mo yume no tsuzuki no you de
mada naku koto sae mo dekinai mama

sayonara ne saigo no kotoba sae todokanai
wakare no tsumetasa o iya tte hodo omoishirasareru
kikasete hoshikatta no uso de kamawanai kara
sugoshita ano hi o kuyandari shite nai n datte
tatta ichido de ii kara

doushite souyatte saigo no saigo made nee
omoide dake o oiteku no

sayonara ne mou nido to aenai basho e itta none
eien no wakare no tsumetasa o uketomerarezu ni
kikasete hoshikatta uso de kamawanai kara
atashi wa anata ni tashika ni aisareteita tte
tatta ichido de ii kara

kore wa tada no yume no tsuzuki no monogatari de
atashi wa mada me ga sametenai dake to itte

I remember I went to sleep late that night feeling uneasy
And had a very sad dream
The phone started to ring in the morning, breaking the silence
And the premonition became a reality
Leaving an unfading scar on my heart
You became a star by yourself

*Sayonara --- You have gone to the place where we can never meet again
I can't accept the coldness of the eternal parting
I wish I could have heard from you
That I had certainly been loved by you
Only once, even if it had been a lie

The sorrow I had thought to be endless came to an end
The season has changed, I feel bitterly cold
I will never forget that first day of summer
The sky kept on weeping instead of me this year
I feel as if I were living in the continuation of the dream
And I can't even cry now

Sayonara --- Even my last words don't reach you
I'm made to realize the coldness of the parting
I wish I could have heard from you
That you never regretted the days we had spent together
Only once, even if it had been a lie

Why did you do it this way
Leaving memories only to the very end?

(*) repeat

Please tell me this is only the story of the continuing dream
And that I'm not yet awake

Translation by masa

Because I said so.

We went to Misato for sungkai today. In the many times I went to a japanese restaurant, it was the first time I've ever tasted Sashimi. And it was a free side dish along side the buffet. I love it. I love the sashimi. Since they were using raw meat, I would've thought it would be chewy. But nooo, the tuna and the salmon was so...soft! OMG, I'm so going to order some when I go again.



WARNING: useless Photoshop talk.

I love blending~ I love love blending~! XD

Ever since the school holidays started, I've been churning graphic after graphic. Especially now that I have a graphic "shop". It's where people post graphic requests and you make it for them. Pretty good, you know, fills up my time. Pity that I don't get paid, though Besides, it is a fact that "performing creative activities may release the stress upon an individual." So yeah, I was so into it, that I decided to learn a few new tutorials. And voila, my favourite set is created!

Others using the same tutorial:

But you see, the problem arises when a number of people put up requests using the same photos. It happened recently to me, and some other graphic makers of that forum as well. You see, Ayu has this new photoshoot, and it is really pretty. But having to see it everyday...well. Here's an economic term for it "Decreasing Marginal Utility", simply put, the more you look at it, the more tired of it you get no matter how good it is. x_____x

These were done in chronological order, so you see how the quality deteriorates after each and every one of them. x_x

Anyhow, I also started photoshopping other j-artists as well. Mainly hitomi and Namie. 0__0

Funny, you know. I used to suck the most at wallpapers. But that's what people have been requesting the most. So, I had to make them. Well, it's all good. I'm getting used to them. Here's two wallpapers, using the same picture. Big difference, huh?

And then some more, because I love you.

There are obviously some resources that I'm supposed to credit. But, there are too many of them, and it's getting pretty late. (Well, at least my dad thinks so.) So I have to go now. Byebye *OH-TUTI style*

There, I'm done. Are you guys sick of me and my graphics yet? :p

Been busy! :p

Last day of school! Last day of school! Haha, I am totally rubbing this in your face, dear certain UK peeps. XD We were baju kurungs to school this morning for advanced raya celebrations Khatam Al-Quran. My skirt was so frickin' loose. And with the strong wind going in at the concourse, the skirt just twists around me. At least it didn't fall off. Whatever. LAST DAY OF SCHOOL. That statement just totally made my day.

And then, best part is, the Econs class went out to sungkai with Ms. Jess! Although we ended up NOT cross-dressing (unfortunately), we still had fun. All three of us, Zirah, Pey Chyi and I were there. The PU2 boys showed up as well. Ms. Jess also brought her parents, nieces, nephews and brother toyboy whateverheis along. So it was one looooong table.

The food was good. But the refilling was so slow. Had to wait for another 15 minutes for our "second round". I really love how tender the black-pepper beef was. *____* And buttermilk chicken. Double *____* But the mushroom cream soup was too...creamy. Eeek. We stayed until 7.15ish. We were the ones who stayed the longest while other people left around 7. The RTB show that was...showing was such a turn-off.

They were discussing the causes and effects of rape. One of the obvious reasons, but total misconception, is that girls who dress scantily are the main victims. So, what do you have to say for the old grandmas and underaged innocent children who also got raped? I mean, nothing appealing about tham, I'm sure. And then there was a skit, where the rape victim-to-be was merely wearing a normal three-quarter blouse and some...normal pants. Nothing sexy/slutty about that. The blouse wasn't even low cut or extremely fit. Nor were the pants low-waist or anything. D: Well, I guess, in Brunei, anything more than that will be censored.

Yeah, that should have probably gone into some other post. But whatever. Anyway, we went jalan-jalan in the mall after that, although there was nothing much to see. We ended up standing in front of the cinema watching movie trailers. XD Yes, jobless. How much cooler can we be?

Break my heart, B.

I dedicate this song to my lovely virtual hugger, Mu-Izz-Zah. (Yes, in my world, you have tripple Z).

Miss, Miss Jess, Miss Jessica
Sya, the not-so-malay bimbo
Zirah selalu sama Pey Chyi
Kelvin is the only boy
Baz and Ani, durang si pandai
Maj, si doodler of the class
Muizzah is the light of the kelas
And Ming Rui rolls her eyes at
*back to da top!*


-Awu bah, I don't remember the arrangement and some of the verses. XD

wearenotcrossdressers.

Ms. Jess was really hyper this morning.

Ms. Jess: "Hey girls, lets go have sungkai together someday!"

Pey Chyi, Zirah, me: "Sure!"
Ms. Jess: "After that, we'll go cross-dressing!"
Pey Chyi, Zirah, me: ".....D:"

Which somehow reminded me of this picture.

Cross-dressers have never looked so hot before. ROFLMAO

You know what, despite me thinking Shuya looks like a girl all this time, he looks plain ugly above. But, I think I'm starting to have a crush on Subaru-chan! LOL, Subaru just looks so cute here, like an innocent high school girl. Probably that's why.

Um, I actually don't know what to blog about today. Bye.

speeches and songs

I know. I abandoned this blog for too long. I wish I could simply say, "I've been busy." but that would have been one big fat lie. Pun unintended, because you know, that would be insulting myself. Haha. Self-degradation, best done in public for maximum enjoyment (of others, of course).

Anyway, the reason I haven;t updated yet is because I have to make this particular post first, before anything else. And that is, what I did last Sunday, 25th August 2008. :D

"I WANT TO BE HEARD!" - Gun-hater from Runaway Jury Of course, any other idiot would be able to come up with that ingenious saying.

And we start with a random quote.

Dear Blog-With-No-Readers,

Last Sunday was the 7th National SMARTER Conference.

Last Sunday was also the *insertnumberth* Japanese Speech Competition at IPA.

Last Sunday was the national SMARTER Conference and Japanese Speech Competition at UBD. Both events of which I was supposed to attend. I HAD to attend.

I had to do a speech during the conference to talk about my autistic brother.

My friends and I had to perform two songs during the Japanese Speech Competition.

The crazy thing is, both happened in the morning, and both the timing was so WRONG! They totally clashed with each other. Who could ever be in two places at the same time?!

Well, I could! XD I was on a very hectic schedule, so the planning had to be precise. Some miracle helped too. I got ready, and went to UBD around 8. Had a little practice. I was pretty reassured at that time because the event starts at 9 AM, which means we'll be done with our first song at 10, and I could just zoom off to IPA since my speech was scheduled at 10.30. But, I kind of forgot that in Brunei, when they say it's going to start at 9, that's actually the guest of honour's wakey-wakey time. So in the end, the opening lagged until around 9.45, which means no chance to perform D:

And that's when the miracle happen! None of the speakers of the first level were there, so we get to perform right after the Guest of Honour's speech! We were done by 10. So I changed my shirt into the SMARTER shirt, and rushed to IPA with my driver. Because of the winding road, (damn highway got no u-turn), I arrived around 10.25. My mum already re-scheduled my speech to 10.45, but with the rush of adrenaline I had at that time, I wanted to go on stage right then. So I did. And I gave the speech. I think I did pretty okay, albeit speaking a little too fast in the beginning.

Well, obviously I talked about my brother, my experience as a sister to an individual with Autism. The previous "Parent's Experience" had brought out tears from everyone, but obviously mine didn't. One, I wrote my speech the night before, so there was not much input. And two, it was too brief. Besides, I already said in the beginning of my speech that "what I write here is a very summarised version of what I actually feel, as half of the things I feel and think could not be expressed in words." HAHA, very dramatic.

So, right after I finished that speech, I had to stop to talk with a few of the other speakers, these ones are "Australian-imported" speakers, specialists on Autism and whatnot. My mummy made me see them, but it was cool because they managed to put my nervousness away. Some people in the audience also gave me a thumbs up, and one of the most unexpected ones was when one of them stopped me and said, "your speech is very nice. You are a very wonderful sister" with her teary eyes. As I am not good with handling those kind of situations, I just said thank you (lots of times, until she let go of my hand)and then rushed out before anyone else stopped me. Haha, and then, I went to UBD again for the second performance.

I was already there, and could have been earlier, if it wasn't for a stupid car who drove like a snail in front of us, right in front of the Chancellor Hall. Wasted 2 minutes of my life. When I actually reached it, they were already in line to go up the stage. So I quickly took my position and went ahead. Any later, and I would have missed it!

Good thing is, that was the last of it. I managed to relax after that, stayed back to watch the rest of the competition, and even had lunch there.

The way I typed things up here, it doesn't sound like I was really in a rush. But trust me, it was CRAZY. I have pictures, but I'm too lazy to upload them. Maybe someday, when I have the mood to edit this post, I will!