Wednesday, January 31, 2007

So yeah, what?

Ok, I'll try to not make this post beginning with something dramatic. I'm too tired of it already haha. So what happen today? One thing for sure, I managed to do the 20-min run non-stop and survived without having cramps or heart attacks or tears in my eyes. In fact, I was smiling like some psycho all the way while thinking of ideas for my story-to-be. So when Cikgu Mizah blowed the wistle when it reached 20 mins, I was not as breathless as the first time we ran, and that was for like 10 mins (not to mention hot too). I guess the practices three days before were really worth it. Cikgu Mizah even praised me and Aslina for our "hard work" on the track. Congrats to me and Lynn! Anyways, I'm still gonna continue to jog in my free time.=DDD YES BERABIS SEMANGAT.

In two weeks' time, I think in two weeks, I'll be getting my own hakama, gi and shinai! All of them total up to $180, me paying $100 and borrow another $80 from dad. Yay. then, all of us who have our own will be wearing them to every CCA. Man, just how cool is that. Finally, we'll have our own uniform! Can't wait for tommorow, kendo! but really not looking forward to English! Arrrr.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Honestly?

YEAY! P.E TOMORROW! LIKE OMG I CAN'T WAITTTT~! WE'RE GONNA RUN FOR LIKE, 20 MINS NON-STOP AND I'M LIKE, VERY EXCITED ABOUT IT! *BEEEP* SARCASM DETECTED *BEEEEP*

Oh crap, indeed.

Anyways, fuh. Finally back from jogging (again). Firstly, let me thank three people who had somehow encouraged me to run. Firstly, Cikgu Mizah, who obviously forced all of us to run, but somehow, even if I still dislike running, I still want to. Second, my dad, for buying me all the things I want and therefore gave me a burst of energy to run, and Sir Bio for all his posts about running.
Yesterday, I went jogging at the stadium. And I really didn't like it, especially the bit where my dad made me jog up the stairs and down. And the stinky smell from an unknown source. But today's venue, the Padang Kebajikan was very refreshing. Among all the three places (Damuan, stadium and padang kebajikan) dad brought me to, I prefer Padang Kebajikan. No smokers, not many people and no stinky smell from unknown source. The air was also fresh since the rain just end by the time I got there.
So yes, I'd like to go to Padang Kebajikan again. I also managed to run two full non-stop laps Yay!...Ok. not so much of a yay but hey, this is me we're talking about. Haha, Quite slow I guess, 15 mins for 2 laps. But it wasn't as tiring anymore. Except somehow somewhere around my abdomen area really hurts bad, which was why I had to stop. Then, just did brisk-walking with Dad before he left me to jog on his own. Quite fast. That somehow made me feel like, "Hey, lets run! Run, not jog!" SO I did, which was really fun, except for the fact that the pain around that area started to hurt again when I stopped! I just didn't feel a thing when I was running, which was surprising really.
What the heck. My tuitions are gonna start either this Friday or Next tuesday, but what's for sure is, there'll be even less time to jog! I don;t know why I care so much about jogging right now. Really, I don't.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

You take the breath right out of me

In two (or three) days' time, I'll be half-dying. I know that. It's not because I can see the future. Not because I can feel it. But I know. I also know what will cause this to happen to me. It's...PE Yes. ma'am, PE. It's just so suicidal.

This afternoon, me family and I went to Damuan, and had a jog. Well, actually on my sis and I actually jogged. My mum, dad, two lil bro and sis just walked pusing-pusing. The decision was halfly decided by my hyperactivity the day before, after receiving my mangas, I practically screamed, "Dad, I'm gonna jog with you everyday from now on!" Yes, my brain was filled with nothing else but on how to repay him. lol. So, to parents who are desperate to get their overweight sons and daughters healthy, you have to invest some money first. haha.

Anyway, at Damuan, it was kinda slippery since it jst rained, and there were only few other people there, which was good. I aimed for 20-min non-stop running, since that's how long we're going to run on Wed. So I started jogging (and stretched very little) after starting my stopwatch. When I thought I ran long enough, I checked the stopwatch, and holymothafucka, I've only jogged for 5 mins and I'm already feeling like someone is choking me? I decided to stop for a while and stretched, and this time, I stretched more than ever. So I started jogging again, but it was to no avail since, gahhh, I just felt so depressed. It started to rain a little, so what the heck, feeling cooler, I decided to run again, But mum stopped me since she felt tired and we had to wait for dad, who was dragging my sis. So, since we still had time before maghrib, we went to the playgorund area, let them play, while dad jogged with me again. We went to the far end, and went to this very berijap looking pondok. It looked so damn isolated. It was a bit of a round shape, in the middle, there were...I don;t know, something that looked like ashes i think, piled up. Dad held my hand and told me to baca-baca. And don't step on whatever there was in the middle. I didn't want to think negatively, so I just followed his instructions. Ugh. freaky.

And one thing about Damuan, they should put up a no-smoking sign. It's just that, in my opinion, people come to Damuan to relax, to exercise, TO STAY HEALTHY. Just how the hell can people stay healthy while inhaling cigarette smoke at the same time? Damn them smokers.

Yay for Daddy!

Oh yeah, my dad got back from Singapore yuesterday! Like, finally!!!!! And and and and and guess what? He got me Breaking Benjamin's Phobia and Three Days Grace's One-x! Original, baby! Like pinji said, you can't get this in Brunei! No way, man! He also got my the latest Russell Lee books, no.15! Yes! And latest MAR, Zig Zag, Vampire Knight. I am so very grateful. Really really am. How iski-er can I get? And, dad said I can also get a gi and hakama! Woot! Off course, this time, with my own money, but who cares? My dreams are coming true!

Yesterday's kendo demo for the Singapore's mnister also went well, everyone was happy, I managed a little kiai and a tiny 'men'. During the training, it was kind of disastrous. Or disasteriffic, as fatin would say. I mean, dude, I missed two mens! Just how the hell did that happen? And I couldn't let out a tiny 'men', until I felt so mad that i missed men two times, in a row! Yeah, I did a men after that. Haha, feeling angry does do you good.

...Haunted?

I really don't feel like typing this but I really have to let it out. Yesterday, I was happily lying on my bed, molesting my newly-bought Russell Lee books and mangas and albums, and I decided to take off my specs and place it on the sofa next to me, on my schoolbag. Then, started to read the books. Suddenly, mummy called me, so I had to get my specs back on. Surprisingly, my specs were nowhere to be found. I lifted my schoolbag, dug into the egdes of the piece of sofa, nowhere. Under my pillows, blankets, nope. So, I just rushed out of my room since my mum was getting pretty angry. LOL.
Then, I did some chores for her, without my specs, and then decided to get my phone charger from my brother's room. Yadiyadiyada. Went back to my room, placed the charger on my school bag and continued reading. Somehow,as I twisted and turn, I saw my specs...on my schoolbag. And the freakier thing is, the specs were on top of the phone charger. My head was filled with WTFed questions, like, where did it come from? It couldn't have camouflaged since I lifted my bag numerous times before giving up. And how come the phone charger was beneath it? Instead of being on top of my specs since I just placed the charger there a few minutes ago.
After that, I decided to stay out of my room for the time being and begged my sister to sleep with me.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

So I choke and smile

We're having a kendo demo this saturday afternoon at the gym, for the Singapore MOE, if I'm not mistaken. It seems like all of us have to come. The problem is, I'm still not good at kendo, yet. I think that's what the karate people are training for too, I think.

Have you guys ever felt so frustrated for being bad at something you love? Like, really really stressed out you feel like you want to hit your head on the wall until your skull is exposed and die due to a major headache? That is exactly what I feel like doing. I don't know, maybe because I'm still a beginner, or maybe because I naturally suck at everything I do, but it's like I don't seem to be that good at kendo. When I'm alone, I'm not saying I did the steps perfectly, but I guess it looks better rather than during CCA. During CCA, it's like, my brain totally went blank and I lost my voice. I was so confused, like, where's right? Where's left? Forward? Backward? What's after three? five? What do you mean?! Yes, it seems that my mind state at that time was that of a shy two-year-old. It was THAT stressful.

Anyway, dad said I can have a shinai! But he said I should just have the $30 one for a start, and I think I'm going to use my own money this time. Yeah, well, you see, when you buy things using your own money, the thing you bought it with just seems more special. Don't you think so?

Also, my sister said my mum's scholarship application has been accepted. I asked my sister again the next day but then she said she wasn't sure, yet she saw the letter from UCAS. It was quite surprising to me, because I didn't expect the reply to come that fast, if it did actually come.
Wow huh. I didn't actually know how to respond to this. "YAYYYY" or "....." I remembered my mum saying that if her application was accepted, she's going to bring along my youngest sister and brother with her, since the primary level education is free. She WILL bring me along with her if I manage to get 6 0s and above. And that is another problem. Even if I do get 6 0s, do I want to leave Brunei? I mean, *sigh* I really don't like my family breaking up. Half in Brunei, half in UK.

My cousin's mum also went to UK last year. Mother to a friend of mine as well. Man, mothers this days, they're just so ambitous.

/EDIT/ Ok, my sis said she saw a FORM from UCAS, not some "You've Been Accepted" letter. At least I hope not. Well, not yet that is./EDIT/

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Don't forget to stretch your butt.

....Wouldn't wanna have butt cramps.

Once more, I am free from the bondages of PE for one week. That sounds wrong. Kendo tomorrow! Can't wait. :)

Damn chem. Damn chem. Damn chem. Damn chem. If it wasn't for chem, I would be drooling over the japanese drummers that came to our school today. Nah, just kidding, I actually look forward to the drums. REALLYYYYY. Damn chem. Damn chem. YES SUDDENLY I FEEL SO DEPRESSED.

Will my dad ever successfully find the sacred albums? *sob*

Monday, January 22, 2007

Rain, rain, go away

Uh, just in case you're wondering, no, it's not raining. I just love that song of Breaking Benjamin's.

YAY! No homework for today! Except for B.Melayu and MIB and Economics. ....Right. At least it's not to be passed up tommorow. But I finished MIB anyway. It's not homework, actually, but a script to this act we have to do, about some problematic kid lectured by her parents. The cast is just so.....cali. The parents are done by Nisa and Khai, I;m the kid sister to the "belia", and Faiqa and Fatin act as the bad friends, the penghasut. And guess who's the teenager? Pey Chyi. Yes, that's where the problem arises. We wanted to do it in Brunei Malay, and yeah. CAN YOU SEE THE PROBLEM NOWWWWWW????

.....WAHHHHHHHHH. PE in two days. *sob* Running on the field for 15 minutes non-stop, in a pair. I'm sure for you people used to running wouldn't be having a problem, but me, ME! I happen to be "horizontally-challenged", as some people put it.

Nevermind that. The next day, after PE, we're having *squeal* KENDO! XDDD Yes, I miss kendo. I wish we have more than one CCA session a week. *sigh*

I have almost all Breaking Benjamin songs! Yayayayayayayayayayayaya. I love jo0o0o0o, pinji~

LOOK LOOK LOOK! Fred's piccie is finally done! History of Fred: I happen to have this...."crush" on samurais. I know they don't exist anymore. At least not openly. I mean, yeah. Samurais. And two of my favourite animes happen to be about samurais; Samurai Champloo and Peace Maker. So, I asked Pinji to draw a picture of a samurai. Or even better, a HOT half-nekid samurai. *censored* So, she showed me a sketch of this samurai she drew, and an idea just popped into my head to name him. And Pinji said, let's name him Fred. Yeah, 'cos at that time we liked this song called "I'm too sexy" by Right Said Fred. *hinthint* YESSS. BTW, Fred has a brother named Benjamin, he's a pirate. Pinji is in a process of drawing him. (AREN'T YOUUUU???) SO yeah, the two hot half-pirate half samurai brothers. LOL.

nononononononono PE! Pleaseeeeeeee.

Friday, January 19, 2007

Breakdown

Yeah, I had a certain breakdown early last December. I know it's not really worth it mentioning it right now, but, this blog is where I write so that I can continue on remembering even the painful memories, even if I don't want to. Yeah, talk about emotional self-abuse.

Anyways, surely many of you MA4s 2006 remember the talk at the end of the year about the class promotion and retention. Yeah, the said those who failed the EOYs had to go. Obviously, I failed my EOYs, though I passed the average total marks. They weren't able to confirm who are to be retained (and eventually, to be kicked out from MS, since MS has this no-retention policy and stuff) since they just sent the results to MOE.

You had no idea how depressed I was. The following week was filled with sleepless nights and tears. I mean, I don't mind dropping out of MS voluntarily, but well, the humiliation that might beset on my parents just....depresses me even more. Just think about that look that I ALWAYS see on my mother's face, and times ten to that. Just imagining it hurts alot. ANd what about my dad? Not that he's ever been exactly proud of me or anything, but no way did I wanted to disappoint him.

Just the day after the talk, my father took me out with my brother. He was kinda in a happy mood, and well, talked about how I'm going to be doing o levels next year (as in, this year) and hoped that I'd pass with flying colours and continue overseas. I cried. I mean, he didn't see my crying, I tried to hide the fact that the guilt was totally getting into me.

Somehow, the next day, I was again out with my dad, now with my sister. We passed...Dee Jay, I think, when he said, "Do you want a PS2? tell me how many you want, 2, 3, just say it!" I know he was joking but somehow, I cried again, yeah, because of the guilt and depression. I cried when we exited Hua Ho, looking athe the back-to-school promotion, I cired when I was alone in my room, and I cried almost evrytime the thoughts of seeing my parents' expression after knowing the results. I cried all the time.

Then, things got a little better after that, I stopped thinking about the retention-promotion thing, and totally gave up. I tried to focus on other things, like buying comics, DVDs, hanging out at the mall, anything not related to school. I started to think, "I've got a month to go until the results are coming out! Lets just enjoy the moment, and then cry your heart out, cut your wrist and start smoking when you're retained." I didn't give a shit about life anymore at that time.

Fortunately, now school re-opens, and good news is I'm not retained. The only bad news is we had to move to an unair-conditioned room. I'd sometime complain about the heat, but thinking back about my breakdown the last month, I at least felt a little grateful. But I'm not 100% happy, because...someone might possibly be retained. Not me, but someone close to me. That thought alone already makes me feel unhappy.

Happy new Hijrah

Yeah, just felt like posting it. I have nothing better to do. (other than homework, which I don't really wanna think about right now.)

It's just that, two of my friends sent me message greetings, when I didn't message them at all. It suddenly hit me that, why the hell was I wasting my credit messaging everyone (current friends, old friends, family, wrong numbers) during the midnight of the new year this year and I almost forgot about the New Hijrah Year?

If my dad knows about this he'd go on lecturing, "Iatah tu nah. Inglis (lol) punya culture tau kau, melayu islam punya lupa sajaaaaa."

Err, yeah. That's about it.

FREE.

...for three whole days. I am indeed very grateful to live in this country which has countless public holidays. Unfortunately, I CAUGHT A COLD. How sad. And my dad is working. :((

We have homework but I'm fine with that. Yeah, I'm just going to cram all those homework on Sunday, the last day of the hols. LOL, lazy, I know. Seriously, ever since I became this "rajin" student, there was never a day that I was free from homework. Earlier this year, I decided to not use the internet except for research and stuff, but I just can't help it. At least I can manage my time now. Not 24/7 internet.

My brothers and sisters are getting worse than last year. THEY LOOOOOOVE TO PISS ME OFF. It's like...their reason for living.

My dad's going to Singapore somewhere around this week. I wish I could come with him, MANGAS and ANIMES, dude! TT_TT

Oh well. I'll just have to resist the temptation for the time being.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

iski-ism.

Ahhhhhhh. Official kendo lesson started today. I must say, it was FUNNNNNNNNN.

I have admit, at first, I wanted to join kendo just because it's japanese and it sounds cool. But NOW, I'm in love with kendo, because of kendo! Kills my legs though, but nevermind that. It's the fun that matters, to me, for now. It might get harder as time goes by, but I'll try to cope with it. I know we just had our first lesson, but I feel like I want my own shinai already! No. Not to show-off or to poke some random people (NOT ANYMORE, THAT IS), but, I guess it inspires me? or something. I'm starting to look forward to every kendo practice after this. Okay, some may say, "wtf maj, stfu and go to hell with your kendo yapping." But hey, can't I be excited for something I'm beginning to feel passionate about once in a while?

Other than that, school. For the time being, yes, I managed to submit all my homework on time, and I managed to keep my focus on the whiteboard for more than 30 minutes per lesson. That is an improvement, i tell you~!! Be happy for me!! I foud a tuiton school, but haven't asked my parents yet. Wish me luck.

Okay. 6 more days to next kendo practice. I wanna join the federation. But I guess that's too much for my parents already. O levels dude!