What a toughie.

Just so you know, I feel so much better since my last post. Shit happens. Oh well. I'm in a new dilemma right now, which is the May/June exams. But I don't feel like bitching about it.

Why?

Because, after all the stress, comes the next phase. The "I don't care" phase. So yeah, as of the moment, I couldn't care less.

I'm just happily listening to Ayu and LP while I do my photoshop thang.

TTYL! <33

My problems and I.

You know what. I'm tired. I really tired of feeling so frustrated. I'm frustrated at so many things that if you ask me what is wrong with me, I'd be at loss of words.

If you ask me how I am doing, I would say that I'm fine. Because most of the time I won't even be thinking of the problems, unless something provokes it.

Sometimes I think my problems are nonexistent. Sometimes I think I exaggerate too much.

But then, when I talk to someone about it, I realised just how serious my problems can really be.

I probably need a counselor, but what happens if they just dismiss my problems? I'm actually pretty scared of that possibility. I'm not seriously thinking of seeing one, but yeah. Some have already suggested it. I'm not sure if I should take them seriously or not.

I don't want to go to school. But if I'm stuck at home, I would have almost nothing to do. Except, I would probably churn out graphic after graphic, nonstop. That normally relieves my stress, but at the same time, definitely not a healthy activity.

See, the costs and benefits of each action I take (excuse the economics reference) itself is making me more frustrated.

I just hope one day I will wake up and all this will go away.

First step for now would probably be stop listening to all Linkin Park songs.

Yes. In the process of doing that. However, while I try to shift from Linkin Park to Ayu again, I forgot about Ayu's emo songs! Ah. Oh well. I guess I'll listen to them for awhile.

LP: Reconnected

I used to be a really big Linkin Park fan back in 2005-2006, my "Emo" era. Well, not black-eyeliner, wrist-slitting emo, but I was 14, a very insecure adolescent searching for her place in life. Haha. Yeah, somewhere along to those lines. Linkin Park was my stress-reliever, and I borrowed a pirated version of Meteora which my cousin had (and lost).

But now, so many years have passed and I haven't listened to a single Linkin Park song since then. I drifted away from them, and discovered JPOP. A totally different vibe from the hard sounds of LP.

Anyway, when I was in KK, I saw this.

Linkin Park's Road to Revolution: Live at Milton Keynes.

At first, I was wondering whether I should buy it or not. I mean, I've been disconnected from them for so long, and I wasn't really fond of 'What I've Done'. I thought they softened up too much for 'Minutes to Midnight' and wasn't sure whether this DVD is worth to buy or not. But, I ended up paying RM49.90 for it anyway.

And guess what? I'm in love with them all over again. I listened to other Minutes to Midnight songs that they performed, and damn, I regret not buying that album when I saw it in Singapore! I'm even beginning to love their softer songs, like 'Leave Out All The Rest", "The Little Things You Gave Away", etc. Besides, my all-time favourites were sang too. 'One Step Closer' was such an awesome opening. And 'papercut' turned out to be one of the hidden contents, and I was so happy!

My favourite song from Minutes to Midnight is most definitely 'Bleed it Out'.

I bleed it out, take it deeper
just to throw it away
I bleed it out, take it deeper
just to throw it away
just to throw it away

Please, just ignore that messy pile of DVDs you see.

Besides, I've been feeling a little bit to stressed with life in general since the past few days, and seeing Chester screaming it all out the way I wish I could just consoles me.

The next time I go to a huge CD store, I'll be sure to be on the look out for Meteora and Minutes to Midnight, and probably Fort Minor's 'The Rising Tied' as well. I use to own a pirated version of it, but then again, original versions were really scarce in Brunei at that time, right? Now, I believe in supporting the artists I love by purchasing the original ones.

Which is why I spent almost $200 on Ayu's albums and DVDs last time. :/

I am NOT free. -part ONE-

You know what I said about being free during school holidays in my last post?

Forget it.

I have yet to have a day of complete rest, minus the first day of the holidays where I was still adjusting to my new-found (and short-lived) freedom.

Last Sunday, the second day of the holiday, at 5AM, I had to wake up. My mum and I were going on a 4-day bus trip to Kota Kinabalu. It was her school trip, and the package only cost $150 per person, so who could resist?

Well, I thought I could stand sitting for 7 hours in a bus, with my MP4 player and book by my side. But the fact that the actual journey lasted almost 10 hours was pretty much, a turnoff. And I only knew that after we arrived.

So, feeling exhausted from the long journey, aching butt and all, we carried our luggage to the dorm. Yes, dorm. $150, remember? Thank God the room had aircons. But the bed sheets, they have this weird smell. And we would have opened the windows if only we could. Our first destination was One Borneo, the new big shopping centre.

Here's the funny part. We arrived at around 5PM, and we decided that we should get enough rest by 7. But because of the condition of the room, my mum and I decided to go out early, around 6.30, and turns out most of the others were already waiting for the bus as well. Haha, I'm sure most of us just couldn't wait to go shopping huh?

I don't really feel like talking about the shopping part, nothing interesting there. Okay, so my mum decided to buy some bed sheets for the night. LOL. We would have bought blankets as well, but we didn't want anyone else to notice how uncomfortable we actually feel in the room.

Haha.

We definitely dreaded the time we had to go back to the dorm. Well, at least I did. T___T That night, we slept with the new bed sheets, without blankets. At least my mum has her long night dress to cover her up, where as I who usually sleep in knee-length shorts, definitely had a hard time sleeping. I don't think I slept at all in fact.

Day 2

School visit to Likas Technical Secondary School.

Bla. Bla.

This part is boring. I was just there as the HOD's daughter and I know nothing about vocational education. In fact, I almost fell asleep a few times during the lecture, which I'm sure was partly due to the sleepless night.

Then, comes refreshment times. I didn't have any appetite (shockiiing), so I just thought I could just drink. With only the usual choices of hot drinks available, which is milk tea and milk coffee, I decided to grab tea. I'm no coffee drinker, hate coffee. But at that time, I couldn't differentiate which is which because they had the same colour, and there was no labeling,

Only after I poured it did I realise I just took coffee, and I thought, what the heck, lets just drink it! And ohlala, the power of coffee seeped into me. Haha.

After the visit, we went back to the dorm for a short while to let the teachers change out of their formal attires, and headed to one of the ports. We travelled to Manukan Island by speed boat (and damn, was it SPEEDY!)

The sea was really blue and clear! I took quite a lot of photos of the sea. I don't know, the blue-ness was just so...awesome.

Here's a few of the better photos:

There were alot of activities at the resort; flyfish, paramotor, gliding, scuba-diving, etc. Haha, I don't exactly remember the names, point is, they were mostly extreme water sports. So while the more adventurous ones joined the activities, what did the rest of us do? Why, we eat, of course!
At about 3PM, we went back to KK, and at night, the usual shopping, this time at Centrepoint.

*skip*

Another sleepless night. But this time we bought a jacket and pair of thick socks each, as well as sweat pants for myself, which I wore that night to sleep. Well, at least I felt more comfortable. But the fact that there was no blanket for me to tug still makes me feels so...helpless. XD

Day 3

On the third day, we travelled to a place that no tourist to Kota Kinabalu should miss, and that is Mount Kinabalu!

Taken from the roadside as we went up the mountains. Apparently, whatever is visible in this picture is still not the peak!

We stopped over at Nabalu Town, and there was a long row of souvenir stalls. The t-shirts they sold were very cool! And the sellers, they really like to give discounts. When we ask, "how much is this shirt?" They answer, "this is $40, but I can give you $25 if you like." Even before my mum starts bargaining, they just say it. But they were really friendly and helpful. I bought heaps of tshirts and keychains.

Nabalu Town: The many, many things that they sell

After that, we went to Poring Hot Springs. Over there, they have the hot springs, canopy walk and a butterfly farm! I wanted to go to the butterfly farm and so we did! There were so many pretty butterflies, but I only have a few good pictures. You can't get too close without scaring them away, unfortunately.

Where's the butterfly in this picture? Hint: The brown leaves are its wings. XD

Same butterfly, different angle

There were also pretty flowers that I wish I could grow in my garden! Basically my attempts at macro photography, and one of the times I wish I had an SLR camera!

And then, we went back to KK.

Sorry I could make a much better sentence than that.

Haha.

Night, shopping. Sleep (tried to).

Day 4

At 7.30AM, Brunei! Here I come! Well, for another 10 more hours, at least. I really didn't like the stopovers. I wish we could just go straight hooome. But no, they just had to stop at some market, and then at Limbang, and with all the traffic jams at the immigration posts, argh. I tried to sleep, hoping that the lack of sleep I've been having since the past few days would help. But no, I was surprisingly wide awake. I munch on my Cottage Fries and Fruit Pluses only to realise we're still hours away from Brunei.

When I did manage to sleep, voices of other people who were still awake won't let me. Even though my MP4 was on full blast, I could still hear the voices of other people.

We finally arrived home at 8PM. Almost 12-hour journey. Unfortunately, I couldn't rest just yet.

Why?

The exchange students arrived that night as well.

You see, my parent somehow love being host parents, and this time, they got two female japanese students. One major problem, they were not so good in English, and I am expected to be a translator. And my japanese language have been rusty for quite a few years already.


And this part of my not-so-free holiday shall be continued in the next post!