Look what I found in youtube!
It's a photo slideshow of the SMARTER kids, during the End-of-Year gathering last year. It was done by anakbrunei.org. I'm not in it, fortunately, but my brother (the bald-ish boy in the grey shirt at minute 1:57) my dad, (The man giving the speech at minute 1:44) and me other relatives are in it, too~! The other kids (that I remember) are Alice, Qayyum (he is soooo adorable), Abul, Adib, Farid Z, Mateen, Ayub...they're in it, too! (I can't remember the others T_T there were so many of them)
It's been a long time since I last went to the centre. But what I can remember from my poor memory is that the centre was filled with both chaos and fun. Noisy, yes. Stres, yes, when handling some of the new kids who aren't used to that environment too.
According to the video description, the secretary stated that they only have financial funds enough to last for eight more months. I don't know about the updated infos though, should ask my dad later, he's the treasurer. Surely you don't want SMARTER to close down now, do you? How are we suppose to train these kids to get adjusted to their surroundings? Come on, especially you working class people. Ok, what am I saying? I don;t help much in these stuff. But at least I;m promoting it right now, no? I really like the family activities they held every few months. Don't want that to stop, too.
I do admit that my brother had alot of improvements. And he can copy words too, now. Quite annoying, if you ask me, but improvement nevertheless. Hehe..Oh yeah, I still don't think that Brunei received enough exposure about Autism. Hmm...
/EDIT/ I didn't noticed that the timeline(or whatever you call it) is reversed in the videoclip when you post it in a blog, so my brother is actually a minute 1:57. hehe careless me
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Dreams don't come true.
The school's annual cross-country is tommorow. And I'm sick. STILL FRIGGIN' SICK. I gave up my pride by eating TWO pills of panadol, and nothing happened. Ok, my maid said I should eat it DAILY to get the effect. But no way in hell am I going to do that, man. It was sooooo BITTER. T_T
I was so enthusiastic to run (okay half jog and half walk) last week, and the cross-country was one of my main motivations for the jogs I did the last two weeks. And now, I'm sick. Sigh. I'm depressed. Now I'm not even sure whether I can survive tommorow or not with all this coughings which just takes my breath away. And the weather seems kinda too hot these days. El-nino.....?
I was so enthusiastic to run (okay half jog and half walk) last week, and the cross-country was one of my main motivations for the jogs I did the last two weeks. And now, I'm sick. Sigh. I'm depressed. Now I'm not even sure whether I can survive tommorow or not with all this coughings which just takes my breath away. And the weather seems kinda too hot these days. El-nino.....?
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Honesty?
I am in a huge dilemma right now. My cousins wanted to bring me out today. But I can't since my father's not home. So my cousin replied, in a sarcastic tone, "This must be about her brother again. What about your mother?"
My inner reply was, "HELLO, YOU MOTHERFUCKERS. YOU GUYS ARE NOT THE ONE WITH AN AUTISTIC BROTHER SO PLEASE FUCK OFF."
But nah, I just replied calmly, saying that my dad's not home, and my mum won't let me out without my dad.
Seriously, man. I don't expect them to suddenly become very understanding about my life's situation. They really don't get what my brother is all about. My brother has his own preferences. Which happens to be either my dad or me. Not my mum, not my other sisters or brother, and not my maids. They just don't get it. I wonder if they ever will. They think, "Ok, if your dad's not home, then let your mum take care of him. If your mum's not home, let the maids take care of him. No big deal."
No big deal, my ass.
Once, when I was planning to sleep at my grandpa's, and I was already at my grandpa's, while my dad was working the night shift, my mum had to pick me up at 12 midnight because my brother is practically crushing everything into pieces, due to me not being there. No, I'm not exaggarating. My mum lost two perfumes, one bottle of honey, and my little brother was almost suffocated. NOne of us got sleep that night, but I managed to calm him down. SEE? IT IS A FUCKING BIG DEAL.
What really pisses me off is how my cousins being such bitches about the whole thing.
I was never in the mood to go out anyway. Especially when it's the three of us. And more when they have their various number of boyfriends tagging along. I feel so left out. Doesn't mean I want a boyfriend. Heck, I'm better off living when I get to sleep with books. I mean, seriously, if all you care about is the date you're having with your boyfirends, count me out. Or leave me alone at the mall so that I can go check out Chong Hock and Best Eastern.
NOW, THE GREAT NEWS IS, THEY POSTPONED THE PLAN TO NEXT WEEK! YAY! (sarcasm detected)
Sheesh, man. Seriously, Why can't it be just the two of you? I mean, I don't mind if you guys didn't drag me along. And the greater news is (greater sarcasm detected), we're going to watch three movies, in a row! Fuuuuck. No, I;m not eactly a fan of movies. Adn the ticket price is $6, dude! 6 x 3= $18! You expect me to spend $18 just for the movies? You know what their reply was after I said that? They said, in a very btichy tone, "Hello, your parents kan ada."
YOU THINK IT'S THAT EASY TO ASK MONEY FROM MY PARENTS? Ok, it is easy. I can just blurt it out. And they'll give it to me. But not just like that, man. I'm not like you guys, who can ask for bucks without a strike of guilt in your hearts.
And the biggest problem is, you think my parents will let me out? You think my parents are as liberal as your parents? You think my parents are as open-minded as your parents? You think my parents will have the slightest consideration of letting me free, THIS YEAR? It's a cursed year for all three of us, it's the year of O levels. Maybe your parents are ok with it, since it's "still early of the year", but my parents aren't. Besides, our exams aren't exactly in the "end of the year."
I wish I can just scream all this stuff out to them, you know. But nah, lets not ruin this already distant relationship I have with them. That's me. Never showed my true feelings to them. Never did. Never will. Honesty is not in my vocabulary.
My inner reply was, "HELLO, YOU MOTHERFUCKERS. YOU GUYS ARE NOT THE ONE WITH AN AUTISTIC BROTHER SO PLEASE FUCK OFF."
But nah, I just replied calmly, saying that my dad's not home, and my mum won't let me out without my dad.
Seriously, man. I don't expect them to suddenly become very understanding about my life's situation. They really don't get what my brother is all about. My brother has his own preferences. Which happens to be either my dad or me. Not my mum, not my other sisters or brother, and not my maids. They just don't get it. I wonder if they ever will. They think, "Ok, if your dad's not home, then let your mum take care of him. If your mum's not home, let the maids take care of him. No big deal."
No big deal, my ass.
Once, when I was planning to sleep at my grandpa's, and I was already at my grandpa's, while my dad was working the night shift, my mum had to pick me up at 12 midnight because my brother is practically crushing everything into pieces, due to me not being there. No, I'm not exaggarating. My mum lost two perfumes, one bottle of honey, and my little brother was almost suffocated. NOne of us got sleep that night, but I managed to calm him down. SEE? IT IS A FUCKING BIG DEAL.
What really pisses me off is how my cousins being such bitches about the whole thing.
I was never in the mood to go out anyway. Especially when it's the three of us. And more when they have their various number of boyfriends tagging along. I feel so left out. Doesn't mean I want a boyfriend. Heck, I'm better off living when I get to sleep with books. I mean, seriously, if all you care about is the date you're having with your boyfirends, count me out. Or leave me alone at the mall so that I can go check out Chong Hock and Best Eastern.
NOW, THE GREAT NEWS IS, THEY POSTPONED THE PLAN TO NEXT WEEK! YAY! (sarcasm detected)
Sheesh, man. Seriously, Why can't it be just the two of you? I mean, I don't mind if you guys didn't drag me along. And the greater news is (greater sarcasm detected), we're going to watch three movies, in a row! Fuuuuck. No, I;m not eactly a fan of movies. Adn the ticket price is $6, dude! 6 x 3= $18! You expect me to spend $18 just for the movies? You know what their reply was after I said that? They said, in a very btichy tone, "Hello, your parents kan ada."
YOU THINK IT'S THAT EASY TO ASK MONEY FROM MY PARENTS? Ok, it is easy. I can just blurt it out. And they'll give it to me. But not just like that, man. I'm not like you guys, who can ask for bucks without a strike of guilt in your hearts.
And the biggest problem is, you think my parents will let me out? You think my parents are as liberal as your parents? You think my parents are as open-minded as your parents? You think my parents will have the slightest consideration of letting me free, THIS YEAR? It's a cursed year for all three of us, it's the year of O levels. Maybe your parents are ok with it, since it's "still early of the year", but my parents aren't. Besides, our exams aren't exactly in the "end of the year."
I wish I can just scream all this stuff out to them, you know. But nah, lets not ruin this already distant relationship I have with them. That's me. Never showed my true feelings to them. Never did. Never will. Honesty is not in my vocabulary.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Got raisin?
I hate thinking about the future. I don't like to. It scares me to death. Thoughts like, am I going to Uni, am I gonna get a job, how long am I gonna live... seriously, all those just add up to the pressure. I didn't want to think about them, but somehow the surrounding situation keeps on reminding me all about them. I have very low self-motivation and self-confidence and self-esteem and whatevr you can think of. How depressing is this? Will I ever live through them? ...sigh.
Ever since the last few days, my room has turned from a heavenly sanctuary to a living hell. No, it's not the mess made of the papers, clothes and books, but more to homework. I happen to the my homework in my room, WHICH I HATE. Everytime I try to start on my homework, I just started screaming like some hysterical person and ran out of my room. Then, I watched tv, surf on the net and such. Then, I thought I had my mood back, and entered my room. But as soon as I entered my room, the atmosphere was dense. And I forced myself to do the homework. ANd, obviously I can't, so I just started throwing stuff here and there. (one reason why I keep losing my pens.) In the end, I fell asleep. Mind you, it wasn't on purpose. My brain was exhausted from thinking. This usually happens when I do homework that requires thinking. Such as maths, english, economics. Which is why I usually end up doing them in school. Well I feel much more calm, and no it wasn;t because I can copy answers from my friends, but because the time has become limited and my brain will become more active on thinking.
Also, I'm having quite a hectic life. I sleep in the afternoon, struggle on my homework during midnight, yawning like hell in the morning, and back to sleeping in the afternoon and doing homeowrk at midnight. I tried to avoid sleeping in the afternoon and do homework instead, but NOOOO. I can't. It was IMPOSSIBLE. I alwasy feel sleepy in the morning and can only hold it up til the afternoon. So that is why I alwasy cram my homework at night, where the hysteria comes back, or leave them up til morning.
Ah well, we had Kendo today, though we didn't do much Kendo, but more to "spiritual talk". LOL, Jin-senpai was telling us on how to do the cuts correctly and also, taught us some pick-up lines. Yes, he was feeling quite random at that time. Two of em were my favourites. One goes like this:
Boy: Hey, do you have a raisin?
Girl: No.
Boy: Then how about a date?
GET IT? GET IT? XDDDDDDDDDDD
The other one is like this,
Boy approaches girl, but too shy to talk. Then boy shouts, "Fat pigeon!" Girl was surprised, and said "What?" Boy shurgs, "I was trying to think of something to break the ice."
Another pick up line I barely remembered sounded somehting like, "Do you know how it feels like to fall from the sky?" or something. LOL, basically, hahaha. We even heard Jin-senpai talkig in malay. XDDDWeird. Just like Sir Bio. XDD karau, man, karau! "Pandang mataku. Pandang mataku. Jangan pandang orang di belakangku." It sounded like he was reciting a Surah or Hadis with that tone. XD he was trying to translate "Do not break eye contact."
Today's subjects were very dull.
Yay, 3-days hols starting tommorow! (a pile of homework suddenly rained) Oh crap. Sweet mother of the fuckers.
Ever since the last few days, my room has turned from a heavenly sanctuary to a living hell. No, it's not the mess made of the papers, clothes and books, but more to homework. I happen to the my homework in my room, WHICH I HATE. Everytime I try to start on my homework, I just started screaming like some hysterical person and ran out of my room. Then, I watched tv, surf on the net and such. Then, I thought I had my mood back, and entered my room. But as soon as I entered my room, the atmosphere was dense. And I forced myself to do the homework. ANd, obviously I can't, so I just started throwing stuff here and there. (one reason why I keep losing my pens.) In the end, I fell asleep. Mind you, it wasn't on purpose. My brain was exhausted from thinking. This usually happens when I do homework that requires thinking. Such as maths, english, economics. Which is why I usually end up doing them in school. Well I feel much more calm, and no it wasn;t because I can copy answers from my friends, but because the time has become limited and my brain will become more active on thinking.
Also, I'm having quite a hectic life. I sleep in the afternoon, struggle on my homework during midnight, yawning like hell in the morning, and back to sleeping in the afternoon and doing homeowrk at midnight. I tried to avoid sleeping in the afternoon and do homework instead, but NOOOO. I can't. It was IMPOSSIBLE. I alwasy feel sleepy in the morning and can only hold it up til the afternoon. So that is why I alwasy cram my homework at night, where the hysteria comes back, or leave them up til morning.
Ah well, we had Kendo today, though we didn't do much Kendo, but more to "spiritual talk". LOL, Jin-senpai was telling us on how to do the cuts correctly and also, taught us some pick-up lines. Yes, he was feeling quite random at that time. Two of em were my favourites. One goes like this:
Boy: Hey, do you have a raisin?
Girl: No.
Boy: Then how about a date?
GET IT? GET IT? XDDDDDDDDDDD
The other one is like this,
Boy approaches girl, but too shy to talk. Then boy shouts, "Fat pigeon!" Girl was surprised, and said "What?" Boy shurgs, "I was trying to think of something to break the ice."
Another pick up line I barely remembered sounded somehting like, "Do you know how it feels like to fall from the sky?" or something. LOL, basically, hahaha. We even heard Jin-senpai talkig in malay. XDDDWeird. Just like Sir Bio. XDD karau, man, karau! "Pandang mataku. Pandang mataku. Jangan pandang orang di belakangku." It sounded like he was reciting a Surah or Hadis with that tone. XD he was trying to translate "Do not break eye contact."
Today's subjects were very dull.
Yay, 3-days hols starting tommorow! (a pile of homework suddenly rained) Oh crap. Sweet mother of the fuckers.
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