Monday, January 07, 2008

At school...

Boohoohoo. I feel hyper and depressed at the same time. I don;t know why. I've been cursing alot lately. Especially in class. ESPECIALLY during GP. Now why would I do that? Well, mainly because I was lonely. I don't know anyone there. I mean, it's like, "yeah, I know her." "Yeah, him." "Huh, who?" So basically, feeling isolated and all that crap, I can only curse my way through time until the last minute of the period. See, I need friends. I feel demotivated without friends. Without friends, I don't talk. And it is definitely hard for me to make new friends. I'm a shy girl. That is definitely weird for me to say, considering the fact I am pretty noisy with my friends. I think "ego" is the right word. I don't talk to people unless they talk to me first. See, there's this thing with me. A habit that I cant seem to shake off. It's like a silent challenge in my mind when I meet someone new. The one who talks first lose. It's a mask ontop of a mask. It's sad. But true.

Other than that, I guess I don't have problems with the other subjects. YET. Mainly because I have a few friends in that class. But maths is...hmm. There's this other thing. I would rather sit with people I don' know than with friends who aren't even talking to you, maybe because they're busy talking o their other friends, or whatever. That's why I moved away from that seat today, of course, with some lame excuses. Not like that person noticed I was gone, anyway.

Phone thing. The "No phones" thing. Damn. It's so hard to live by that. But nevertheless, today I still brought my phone to school. I had to. No, I did not brought it because it's the most "in-thing" right now. You know, "Hey, lets break the rules by bringing our phones to school because it's cool to break the rules" in-thing. It is because it's still early in the year, I am still not sure of our schedules, so therefore I still need to contact my parents about what time I go home. No. I'm not going to use the school phone, now that is maybe because it's not cool. Whatever.

It's such a twisted truth.

Ah, the issues of teenager. Everything seems to be like a big deal. Sadly, it is. Blame our hormones.

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