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I've decided to post today. I have chem practicals tomorrow. And my mum is currently moving around my back telling all of us to study.

Sigh.

If only I can come to training one last time this week. Okay, two last ones. Will have to negotiate with my dad after this.

I haven't study for the chem practicals. I'm just waiting for the paper to come and read the instructions, then just do it. Yup. Just hoping to pass with no hard work at all. Wish me fking luck.

Sometimes, I really wish I don't know about certain things that has anything to do with things which involve me. Because they are really depressing and I feel sad thinking about those stuff. Think about what will happen in the future. In 5 years time, who will I be. Will I still be the care-free person I am, the japan-freak I am, still into anime, manga and kendo? Or will I turn into one of those robotic adults who does nothing else but their job? I am so scared of the future sometimes I want to go to Never Never Land so much. Third star(or second?) to the right from Big Ben, and straight on.

qwerty

I don't like it when my parents say, "When it's about Kendo, you rush to get to training, but when it's school, why must you be so slow?" You know, all those comparing stuff. I wish they wouldn't ask me those sort of questions. They make me depressed thinking why. Even I don't know. I don't know why I'm more into other stuff than studying. But hey, sometimes I am into studying when the subjects/topics are interesting and I understand them. Yes, all that mostly matters is the "Interesting Rate". So don't ask me why I like reading comics more than textbooks or why I prefer to listen to rock music than whatever stuff you listen to.

I've been wondering, you know. These parents of ours, they've been teenagers too. Even they admitted it themselves. Then why can't they understand us? Because I fear growing up to become like them and when there are the new generation of teenagers and I wonder how I will treat them.

Wonderwonderwonder.

Speaking about the future, I'm beginning to pity this someone. From my point of view, this person is just a mere victim yet he's being left out when the others are beginning to shift away. Once they start the new thing, where will he go? Sadsad.

Blarrrrrr

Things are happening. Good things. Bad things. What more can I say? What I want say is, well, GENERALLY speaking, I am quite a jealous person. All this "be true to yourself" caused me to discovery my envy level. No, nothing to do with love type of jealousy. Still, it's unhealthy. It's about this thing I'm passionate about, where I am part of the society, but it seems like my hard work has not been proven and sometimes I felt left out and hence envious towards others who have achieved a position for themselves in this thing. Instead of working hard to get what I want, I felt like giving up.


Hah.


School's tomorrow. ...Duh.

I don't know.

I'm like so....lazy these days. I don't know. I know O levels are getting closer. The qualifyings are getting closer. The only thing I'm not lazy at is like...PC games. Mainly Solitaire. Tibia too. Haha. Hadn't played it in a long time. Like, long time ago. I don't know why. Here am I. 10.22PM. Lazy to SLEEP.

Mum's been complaining alot too. I seriously do not know what the hell I am doing right now. Just blabbering on and on because I'm too lazy to think of what to write about. ANd I'm currently forcing my fingers to move.

I need help. Motivation. Focus. Concentration. Heck. Even during training I felt lazy and distracted. WHich is not good. It's like I'm too lazy to live. Sure. Sometimes, I thought like, "Hey, c'mon, Os are coming. You need a future." Somehow, I was not threatened by my own thoughts anymore. Too lazy to fight back. Sigh.

God, help me. I need to change, but even I can't push myself hard enough.

ARRRR...SHIVERS ME TIMBERS.

P.E today- Awesomely bad. I don't want to role=play. But just who am I, a mere studnet against the teacher, a great source of knowledge? *ASDFGHJKL*

Yesterday's visit- AWESOMELY HOT. As in hot-sweaty-uncomfortable-exhausting-hot. It was weird. There were so many hi-tech machines, but 99.9% of the rooms we went in had damaged aircon! I mean, c'monnn. Also, some of the machines weren't working too. Budget problem. Right. I don't think I want to work there. They might underpay me. :/

Today's training- Em. I guess I was tired. I didn't kiai much. I don't even remember much of what we did. During kata, it was all messed up because I confused Yvonne and Yvonne confused me. At first, right, glad that Ali said "good" during first kata. But when the second kata came round, daaaarn. I was still not quite confident wioth that one. And yes, my confidence and "semangat" hilang. Sigh. Then kote kaeshi kote...right. Do uchi otoshi (?) men was a little bit easier and I'm getting all hyped up again. Men kaeshi do, personnally was much easier than kote kaeshi kote. I don't know. I guess I was just exhausted. Still am. And yes, here I am in front of the comp. SO what. XD

MS Inter-League(?) Netball

I did not have enough sleep last night. All that thanks to the netball game we're having today. Not that I'm playing. But being the manager really does...turn you into an insomniac. There were so many thoughts like, "Did I give every detail to them?" "What if they forgot to bring their ICs?!" "What if they forget that there's a game today?!" DDDD= What made me worry most was my insufficient credit to message them about today and....*breathes* gosh. This could be one of the main causes to high blood pressure.

Anyway, game today. Registration at 8am. I am glad everyone brought their ICs. Except Dinah. She lost hers. What did she do? She brought her passport. Right. And I was the one who'll be bringing them ICs (and passport) to the registration table. Good thing the teachers accepted. They were obviously amused.

There were seven teams and each team played six 14-minute games. Rawr did good. I am happy for you guys. They didn't get into finals but whaddaheck. It was purely for the cause of fun, right? =DDD

#05(Zati), #27(Lah),#00(Sar), #4(Zi) and #07(Wan) got a nice view. #06(Pinji), #3(Dinah), #08(Nisa) and #11(Maj) got a greater view.

Okay, so I got myself a jersey too. Haha. Just felt like it. Later i'll ask my maid to sew in the word "MANAGER". XDDD no lah.

When we took the piccie Zirah and Raziqin went home already. :(

Anyway, tomorrow, I get to skip Maths D in the afternoon again It's good sort of bad thing. XD Well, the reason was obviously legal. I was one of the 30 chosen students to go to the State Lab. And indeed, that was unexpected. According to Zal, the list of the students were according to the marks they got in the MCQ and practical test, which means I was ranked #20. Seriously unexpected. Why? 'Cos I did not study at all for the tests. I mean, I wasn;t all that interested in going to the State Lab and stuff. Hah. And in the list, the people other than me were the obviously smart-ass students. I was like the only S.A.R student in that list. So therefore, it was quite an achievement to me. :DD

Finale~

Yesterday was the first time I went to tuition since five years ago. And guess what subjects I took? Yessss. Add. Maths and Maths D. And the teacher is Ms. Henny. :DD And for the first time ever I thought A.maths was easy. Seriously, to me, she's much more approachable then my maths teacher, making me not so scared to ask her questions.

Wednesday training- WAS FUN. So, I got a little...dis-concentrated during the uchikomi geiko training, especially during hiki men and hiki do. I forgot when I was supposed to attack and receive, since I was the last one. I was shouted at numerous times by Ali >_< FUN and ...gah. I also almost cried when Kaza was confused too and begged her to not confused me more DD: And my kiai that night wasn't my normal kiai. I needed a longer mokusou, I guess.

Thursday CCA- Audi, locked as usual. I shared the toilet with Kaza and didn't bother to use the other one since it was 100% darkness and even if we tried, we wouldn't be able to see anything anyway. XD Not that we did. Try, I mean. No dirty thoughts~!

Normal training. Kaza led the junbi taisho. She was sort of annoyed when some didn't kiai loud enough that she basically SCREAMED, "KIAAAAAIIIIIIIII!!!!" so much that at the end her voice was quite hoarse. Now she's worried that others might hate her for doing that.
But hey, she's supposed to. She is our dear vice-captain(?). That what we call her?

Me shucks at uchikomigeiko. Kept on missing the kote and do. Men was like...DDD: awfullll. Got some news too. After six months of training, I got the first blister ever on my left palm, same spot as Kaza's. It hurts alot. I assumed I got it on wednesday when I was effin stressed of being confused and just squeezed the shinai and kiai-ed my -guts- out. Not happy. ):


Thankies Muafah for coming with me to tuition~! ^^;

STPRI 50th Jubilee Reunion blabla and so forth

So, it has ended yesterday. As it typically goes, everything obviously sucks at first. You have no idea how much I complain to every single person I see. But then comes Kaka Sil on the last week of rehearsal, where everything was changed. The dance steps, the plans, all. Man, Qil and I didn't isolate ourselves from the others anymore and there we were, laughing the past off.

I really don't have much to say. The dance on the real day was 95% perfect, as Man said, if not for the 5% that blew away when one of the dancers forgot her position. But what the heck, it was good. I finally know the name of the song, Mary Hopkins- Those Were the Days.

I don't have any pictures of our performance, which is good, because I have two high ponytails like Boo of Monster Inc, which for then onwards became my new nickname. Yay. I mean, I have thin hair, so when the hairdresser tie it up neatly in two, it was weird. And oh yeah, my hair is short and she tied it up so high that the hair kept on ticking and poking my ear. 0_o

When the function ended, all of us rushed to the changing room, grabbed our shoes and asked everyone in our group to sign in. So, there they are.

Told them to WRITE, not SIGN. But whaddhaheck. XD

Looklook. See who's number you can find on the shoes. X)

So yeah. Now that I think about it, there's not much to say. Honestly, I had fun. At least "the woman" didn't talk much on the last two days of rehearsal and the actual day, right? Or did she? Guess I'm immune already.

Not everyone, sadly D: From L-R, U-D(and that stands for From Up to Down ...XD)
Fitri, Fii, Feeza, Hjh Tiqah, Kaka Sil, Fina, Asfa, Fuza and Ziemah. I didn't bother to put my face in, as well as Man's and Qil's. XDDD

From this event, I totally realise that we shouldn't judge a person from his/her appearance. Yes, I used to be like that, and sometimes still am. Human nature, just cannot change it. I also realised that some people do look the way they act and I hate it. The only regret I have on that day was not being able to come to the my school's carnival. Then again, people said there was nothing fun there. So what the heck.

After the function ended at 5.30pm, we were like talking on how we won't be able to see each other again and stuff, and DUUUUSHHHHH Let's watch a movie tonight! And so we did, we watched Transformers, had a whole three rows all to us, which were the front-est seats, so some of us lied on the floor, it was sort of ours too. XD


Last but not least, the song we danced to. Sure, I thought it was like, "ZHOMFG what the ferk is this?!" But now, it stuck to my head and I ended up downloading it. It also became like OUR song. Haha, some of the lyrics fitted alright for us.

Those Were The Days

by Mary Hopkin

album:

Those Were The Days
(Gene Raskin / RussianTraditional)
Album:  Post Card

Once upon a time, there was a tavern
Where we used to raise a glass or two.
Remember how we laughed away the hours,
Think of all the great things we would do?

Chorus:
Those were the days, my friend!
We thought they'd never end.
We'd sing and dance forever and a day.
We'd live the life we'd choose.
We'd fight and never lose.
For we were young and sure to have our way!
Di di di di…

Then, the busy years went rushing by us.
We lost our starry notions on the way.
If, by chance, I'd see you in the tavern,
We'd smile at one another and we'd say,

Those were the days, my friend!
We thought they'd never end.
We'd sing and dance forever and a day.
We'd live the life we'd choose.
We'd fight and never lose.
Those were the days, oh yes those were the days!
Di di di di…

Just tonight, I stood before the tavern.
Nothing seemed the way it used to be.
In the glass, I saw a strange reflection.
Was that lonely woman really me?

Those were the days, my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we'd choose
We'd fight and never lose
Those were the days, oh yes those were the days!
Di di di di…

Through the door, there came familiar laughter.
I saw your face and heard you call my name.
Oh my friend, we're older but no wiser,
For in our hearts, the dreams are still the same.

Those were the days, my friend!
We thought they'd never end.
We'd sing and dance forever and a day.
We'd live the life we'd choose.
We'd fight and never lose.
Those were the days, oh yes those were the days!
Di di di di…  [big finish!]

Yep, those were the days, and I am going to miss them.

Heh. >_>

Darnnnn. Last night's training was cancelled because there was some sepak takraw tourney going on. I wish we have a proper area specially for us :/ Anyway, I didn't want to go home just like that. I had not had kendo for almost a week and I can take no longer than that. It's like a drug or something. But, seeing fellow kendokas were already a relief. The others who didn't go back home when they found out about the cancellation were Ramzul, Kaza, Pau, Hafiz, Hadee, Cahaya/Light/Raito/Hikari/Hikaru/whatevernamehehas and me. We went to check out the Aikido place and wow, there were definitely alot of throwing around. I wanted to try it out, but was shyshyshy XD They mostly did wrist-locks, which I definitely want to learn. hmm...maybe one day... Don't worry, I'll think of one way or another to combine it with kendo :D

Today's CCA was way better than last week's. I got so many blisters on my left foot and about an inch of my skin was...how do you say this...terkubak. Yeoch. It was hard to do backward ashi sabaki, had to hold on til end of CCA put my socks back on and cover it up. It was not painful, just itchy D8

Went for my Nihongo class at 12.40, turns out Elementary I weren't yet out. We chose some songs. Still, we don't know. And then, at the concourse, there were these two Form 2 girls who were singing Goodbye Days with a guitar. I was in awe that I immediately walked up to them and complimented them, and invited them to join our performance. Yes, random, but the song blew me away~

Next, afternoon rehearsal. Gaaaaawd, I hate hate hate that woman. She talks too much. Wayyyyy to much. Hate hate hate. But Kaka Sil was doing her best and we were almost perfect
, without the Elders criticizing anymore, ever since Kaka Sil exploded yesterday. "I do not want you to argue with me. I am tired of all this. I am doing this as a favour and if you have any more to say, I am out." Sigh. The words of a brave woman. XDD

Tommorow, full rehearsal, 8.00am sharp. Hmmmm. Wish me luck.

Please

I have one thing I want to say. And I am going to say it in malay, because when i use malay in this blog, it's for when I am hyper, or when I am filled with 100% emotional pain. This is sensitive lil' me talking.

KAWAN SAMA SUKA, DI MANA-MANA ADA
KAWAN SAMA DUKA, ENTAH DI MANA

Unrelated to what I just said above, O have two adults in my life who I hate quite much. A woman. A man. Nope, not my parents. But what's for sure, these two are definitely ruining my life, indirectly or directly.

I hope I'll make it to the training tomorrow. I've sacrificed sunday trainings for studying (yeah, right). I want to come tomorrow. Is it so hard? I will walk there if I have to. Just let me go.