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I freaked out and broke down just now so I didn't manage to finish the previous post. I'm still teary-eyed right now, while plotting on how to punish the goddamned dogs. I want a rifle, or a machine gun, so that I can shoot those stray bitches, but I know we need to go some license and other crap to carry them around, and that will take a long time finish. So I was thinking on how to kill them from a close range, and I had this idea of purchasing poison darts from the natives or something. I WANT TO KILL THEM. Why? They killed all my rabbits and my cats. 0% survivors.
I even urged my dad to kill them before I ran into my room, before my tears were exposed. Someone has to kill them, I want to avenge my poor pets. I want to kill them. I wish I'm brave enough. I have this image in my head where I manaeged to shoot them and then stabbed them many times with blood splattering on my face. I don't give a crap about the haram to touch. I can always clean myself after that.
I wish Brunei has a dog-catching agency or whatever. So that they can catch stray dogs and kill them or whatever. I don't give a shit about that. I just want my Mama-chan back.
Now I understand how hard it is to move on. When my grandma, aunt and uncle passed away, I thought, 'Oh wow....they're gone. They're never gonna come back. Forever.' But I never shed a tear at their funerals. Just felt vey very heavy-hearted and sad. But I didn't cry. And right now, I'm crying because my cats are dead. It was all of a sudden. Yesterday, I was still rolling in the sand with them. Today, they're gone. When my father broke the news to me, I was shocked. Speechless. Dumbfounded. Throw in any synonyms you can think of. Then I went back here, to the PC and thought that 'I'm fine...I'm fine...' and continued to read some online comic. When suddenly, I started sobbing.
This is a first to me. I thought al this "shock and breakdown" only happens in movies and books, but now I know how it feels. I've had mama-chan since I was 9. And that was like...7 years ago. She was my only tame cat, my oldest cat, mother to the other cats. Which is why her name is Mama. Mama-chan. I love her so much. She was also pregnant when she was murdered by the damn dogs. I even wrote a list of names for her litter-to-be.
I want a cat. But not just any cat. I want a cat that looks exactly like Mama-chan. Brownish black fur, yellow eyes, small, with a cute short tail., crooked at the end. I miss Mama-shan already.
I regret not letting her into the house last night. I regret not giving my full attention to her. I regret not giving her all the food she wants. omg i;m starting to cry again,.. I;m out.