I can't stand it

Really, really can't. I cannot stand another minute of studying. Which is why right now I am in front of the PC. I know tommorow we have three tests, but I decided to rest my brain before I go nuts. Yeah, after only half an hour fo studying. Heck, I wasn't even studying I was just......"shortening" some chem notes while daydreaming. I was practically dragging my pen around on the paper...doodling...scribbling...those stuff ya'know. Ant then, when i was just about to start on bio, (sorry to say, sir) I was truly in no mood to study at all. Seriously, there are so many topics to read and understand....I know I should've started my revisions earlier..butbutbut.. just can't. In the end, I just witched on my laptop and watched Tsubasa no Oreta Tenshitachi, just to note down some japanese phrases. YES, SUDDENLY I WAS IN THE MOOD TO STUDY. The language of course. The language. After that, I am finally here. In front of the PC. Gosh, I feel so guilty leaving the textbooks behind....but I just can not flip through another page. Maybe I will after this, after regaining some energy and mood. Yeah, like it or not, it's either studying or harakiri. haha wish me luck

Oh yeah, I NEED A JOB. I really really do. Why? BEcause I am really really tired of asking my dad for money. I am really really tired of listening to my mum complaining when I asked her for money. Moreover, dad has already spent over a $100 for me, just for this year. And it's only Feb. ALl those money for comics, kendo stuff...gahh. And there's this new comic I want to buy. Obviously, I WILL NOT ask Dad for money. On that faithful day, I went to Best Eastern adn saw Zig Zag. OF COURSE I WANT TO BUY ITTTTTT. BUt no, I just had to resist the temptation until I get back home where I can beat up my closet as usual. Seriously, I just can;t open my mouth to ask dad for money. I almost run out of my own savings too. SOemtimes dad forgot to give me my lunch money..so I would usually end up using my own money and therefore it is running out. Currently, I have less than $10 in the piggy bank. I did tell my dad this afternoon that I need a job, a part-time job (and I was serious about it) and he said I can just wash the cars every weekend, $2 per car. And we have 4 cars...so basically, in a month, I can earn $32!! Oh sweet sweet comics, here I come. But then, my dad says, "Don't worry. Just focus on studying. Money, babah saja uruskan." I was thinking like...waaaait. That somehow tells me that I can't buy comics since he's the one managing the money. Or does it mean I can ask for money anytime I want as long as I get good grades? Errr....it was confusing. After that, he offered to buy me easi, some drinks...food...which I rejected since before that I made a promise to myslef that I will not ask money for unnecesarry things (EXCLUDING COMICS). The thing is, I haven't paid my school fees and I know that is an IMPORTANT thing. But I really don't know how to ask. I really don't wanna see that undescribable look onmy dad's face. GAHHHH see why I need a job now??????? But the again, even if do have a job...who'd wanna hire me? And time management? Psssh. O levels. Gah.

SOmetimes I wish I was a 5-years-old again, so that whenever I don;t get anything I want I can just I can just wail and whine and scream and lie on the floor without any humiliation. I mean, c'mon, after observing my sis...one teardrop gave her a huge set of toys. WTF is thatttt??? It pisses me off, not because of jealousy...but because of ruining to so-called happy family trip, because it gies my parents the "bad mood". Sheesh.